Anger and Relationships: Patterns of Suffering

People enter into relationships for companionship and when they do this, they also bring along their personalities. Because a person's personality is unique and no two are alike, there will always be friction in even the best of relationships. Sometimes, however, the amount of friction created by the differences in the two individuals' personalities cause one, or even both, of the partners in the relationship to suffer. There are often triggers that cause one partner to become angry and react in a way that causes grief and unhappiness in the relationship, and frequently, the entire family is affected.

Anger Triggers

These triggers can originate from inside the relationship, at home, or from outside, such as at work, with their friends and family, or even in society in general. Remaining angry after a bad day at work or a hectic commute home, and finding things to remain angry about after returning home is one pattern that creates suffering in the relationship. Other patterns of suffering can involve discussions on life issues, such as money and how it is spent, parenting issues, socialization with family and friends, pets in the home, and many other issues. Over-reacting and becoming angry to the point someone else is feeling attacked, angry at themselves, guilty for things beyond their control, or pass the anger onto others in the home, such as the couples' children, it is time for outside help to be sought.

Anger that is not constructively expressed can be extremely destructive and abusive towards others, including those to whom it is not directed. Changing the reaction to things that anger a person is very difficult to do, and while it is not out of reach of the person affected by anger issues, it helps to have a third party uncover those triggers that are often hidden and unknown. Frequently, a person does not know why they are angry, just that they are, and that is what they react to. Feelings of anger always have a root cause, even if unknown. Discovering this unknown cause can be easy in some situations, and nearly impossible without someone's help in other instances.

Loss of Control

While the person who does not have anger control issues will most likely be able to quickly notice his or her partner's lack of control over their anger, the person who is not able to adequately control how they show their anger may not care, or may not realize the depth of suffering and anguish their partner endures. Many believe that lack of control over one's expression of anger can be a form of abuse, and can even cross over from emotional abuse to physical at times, when violence becomes part of the reaction. Also, it should be understood that anger is often used as a control technique by many people, both men and women included.

Anger Management Therapy

If angry accusations, over-reactions, shouting, yelling, breaking of things, and excessive verbal abuse exists in a relationship, one of the most effective methods in reducing this behavior is to begin anger management therapy. Couples counseling alone may not be enough to salvage those relationships that are suffering from anger issues. Wanting to save the relationship and also having the desire to change their destructive behavior patterns is absolutely necessary for anger treatment to be successful.

Anger control issues can be costly to those who suffer from them. While it may seem that everyone around the person with this issue are the only ones suffering, having an anger control issue can be emotionally painful for them, as well. Treatment for anger control issues can successfully teach people how to identify their emotional triggers and eventually learn to effectively manage the negative thinking and feelings that unwittingly drive the destructive angry behavior.